As I write this we are just over a month into what promises to be at least a two-year overland journey from the United States to Ushuaia, Argentina.
Yes. Just one month in and I’m already writing this post.
I know many people who have done this type of trip and some of them have done it several times. It’s life changing, the say. It’s magical, they say. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced, they say.
Deep down in my currently dehydrated heart I want to believe this. I want to know that, at the end of this journey, I’ll feel the same way. I crave that gut feeling that they’re right but my gut feeling these days is more about “Oh fuck, is there a toilet?” However, as a newbie overlander and a sometimes (most of the time) complainer, these are a few of the things I wasn’t exactly (at all) prepared for.
There Will be Bugs
Okay, look. I get it. Bugs are a thing. As I’m writing this something unidentifiable is crawling across my screen and its evil kin is buzzing my ear. I’m no stranger to bugs. I lived in Hawaii and New Orleans where the cockroaches play airplane at night and give zero fucks about you, eating your food, or parking themselves in your hair. I stepped in a fire ant bed twelve years ago and still have the scars to prove it.
What makes this different? I can’t really get away from them and repellent only goes so far. At night it’s not so bad as Moby is pretty well screened up but she’s a hot little number in the daytime so I sit outside and why do flies like me so much? And why does repellent never seems to faze flies? Or ants? And did you know that bees really, really like beer and if even one of them gets a taste they’ll inform their brethren and soon you’ll have a swarm on your hands?
It’s true.
Climate Change
Again, I hate to be such a baby but I’m really bad at dealing with climate extremes, and what seems extreme to me would probably be a blip on the weather radar to you. When it’s hot I drip sweat and feel faint for a few days until I acclimate. When it’s cold I shiver and shake and nothing short of a scalding shower can warm me up.
I’ve been very hot and very cold on this trip of less than a month. Las Vegas was so hot that Moby’s little a/c couldn’t keep up and we only stayed one night. Also, did you know that the west coast of Baja California is cold? In August? Hell, I took a university meteorology course and I couldn’t even figure that one out until I’m bundled in flannel in front of a fire, teeth chattering on a beach in Mexico in August.
I’ve met a lot of people over the last month and many of them stare at my salt and sweat smeared face and say, “Wow. You’re red,” as they flick a single bead of sweat from their upper lip. I don’t know if they’re superhuman or what, but when they comment on the 37-degree heat like they’re commenting on the most mundane of things I want to slap their sweat-free head.
Who’s got a red face now?
Bad Things Happen to Your Body
I’ve become all too aware of my body over the last few weeks, namely how it’s betraying me. You know, those pesky needs to urinate, defecate, eat, drink. One might think, “Hey! You’re just sitting in a truck driving around all day then camping at night. Just like home, right?”
Wrong.
I’ve found myself drinking way too little water because I don’t want to have to find a place to pee to the point that I’ve actually had brown urine one morning. Brown. Any doc worth his salt would have me on an IV immediately. After a night of picking through a kilo of local crab in a spicy paprika sauce, I found myself, exactly 24 hours later, stricken with diarrhea and scrambling across a rocky beach in the middle of nowhere to build a toilet from said rocks because my quivering thighs wouldn’t hold me up anymore.
Cue more dehydration. Did you know water intake is crucial? You’re going to sweat a lot.
And speaking of sweat, this one’s for the ladies. Try and perfect your from-the-back bra fastening skills. You might think that sweat-slick skin is the perfect surface upon which to slide your fastened bra around to the front but you’d be wrong.
Or just abandon all your pricey Victoria’s Secret lingerie altogether. You may as well throw all of your expensive makeup in that hallowed grave too because MAC foundation and sweat do not mix.
At all.
You’re Going to Stink, Badly
Weather plays a big part in any type of travel but something as far-reaching as overlanding means you’re covering several different seasons in some of the hottest and most humid places on Earth. Showers aren’t always available and baby wipes and deodorant can only do so much. You’re going to stink, your partner is going to stink, your clothes are going to stink, your hair is going to stink, and your shoes, if you wear them, will absolutely reek. And the combo of bug spray and rancid sweat is horrific.
DIY laundry solutions are always an option but let’s face it; dish soap and a bucket are poor substitutes for Tide with Downy and a proper washing machine. And a swim in the ocean does not constitute a bath, even if you take some Dr. Bronner’s in there with you.
You’re Going to Fight, Often
Most people undertake this kind of overlanding trip with a partner, usually someone you’re in a relationship with. That makes sense. It’s a lot of work and having a partner to share the duties with is a big deal. But no matter how strong the relationship chances are you won’t always be on the same page, or more likely even reading the same book.
You’ll fight about how one of you (me) is complaining too much. You’ll fight because one of you (me) really wants a toilet. You’ll fight about spending the night at a luxe yet pricey campground versus a free yet barren beach. You’ll fight because you’ve listened to the same 171 songs over and over for days. You’ll fight because your starter went out in a blast furnace somewhere near Barstow and you don’t even have any drugs that will kick in to ease the pain.
And one of you (me) will almost always cry.
You’ll Have to Learn New Words and Their Actual Meanings
Jerry can, boondocking, voltage, inverter, greywater, gross vehicle weight. What are these words and why should I care? Also, at the risk sounding less than feminist, aren’t these guy words?
Well, it turns out that if you’re part of an overlanding duo, regardless of your gender, you need to know these words and more, what they mean, and how they now fit into your brand new lifestyle and lexicon. I’ll leave the fun of exploring these words to you, but these words also involve a lot of work so I don’t know exactly how much fun that will be.
You’ll Wonder What the Fuck You’ve Gotten Yourself Into
I feel like an utter and complete asshole for saying this but I’ve questioned this decision more than a few times in a month. Why this? Why a trip that requires so much work and decision making and complications? Are we really ready for this? Who, in their right mind, does something like this when we could have just moved to Thailand or someplace in Europe for the same cost and half the hassle?
I’m a worrier and an over-thinker so I know my feelings are probably more extreme than most, but for fuck’s sake. Can I really do this? Two years? In a camper the size of the smallest kitchen in any of the huge houses we’ve lived in? Without killing each other? I also tend to be pessimistic (surprise!) so that only makes it worse.
I’m working on that.
You’ll Wonder Why You Didn’t Do it Sooner
So after every horrible thing I’ve said to this point I still think this was the best decision we ever made and I think we should have done it years ago when it first came up. I’ve found myself with a very deep level of respect for Will and the things he knows how to do. He is a problem solver of the best kind and has the skills to back that up.
He’s also been pretty patient with me and he’s not the most patient of people.
Some of the less attractive aspects of my personality have come roaring to the surface. I’m whiny, I’m lazy, I’m a creature of habit and comfort. None of these are conducive to this or any healthy lifestyle. I need to shed those habits and embrace more joy and spontaneity and learn how to be a truly active participant in my relationship and this journey. These are all good things to know.
And the pods of dolphins seen from deserted beaches and the skies so dark that the Milky Way slides across the night with a brilliance I’ve never seen before in my life help ease the pain.
Those things help a lot.
GREAT post! This part made me chuckle and cheer. “I want to slap their sweat-free head. Who’s got a red face now?
Thanks Suzanne! If you ever hear of a gringa in jail you’ll know why!
It reminds me of when we drove to Mexico….to live….off grid….with no A/C. It didn’t take me long to realize I would’ve been fine in 100 degree weather and 80% dew points….with A/C. Your blog made me laugh silly……great writing! Thanks…
Tricia
Thanks for reading Tricia! This has been quite the adjustment period, but I haven’t slapped anyone yet so that’s something, right?
I’d laugh but that might let you think I was unsympathetic. ……remember when you decided to marry THAT guy? Keep training him, eventually he’ll stop arguing.
unlikely 🙂
Highly unlikely, I’ve known him since he was like 7 or there abouts. and he’s still the same. LOL
Great read! Sending off to my wife so she knows what to expect when we go! I’m hoping that as she once sat in the pillion seat of our motorcycle and covered 1,000 miles in less than 24 hours that she’ll be able to handle overlanding.
I don’t know that there’s really a fool-proof way to be ready for something like this but if you can do it you should do it! I hope your adventures are as interesting as ours have been, and we haven’t even left Baja yet! 🙂
We’re coming your way in November. Drove a little rental car around Loretto in March this spring and decided we could handle it. Bringing a 40′ Motorhome towing a jeep with 2 kayaks on top. You can’t miss us. Love your blog. Great sense of humour. Hope we’ll meet someday on the Baha!!’
Hi Alexa! By November we’ll be on the mainland but we have really enjoyed the Baja, especially Loreto! I hope you have a great time!
~Cate
My husband clued me into your blog! Great to find you. 😀
We just had a little one month overland try-out adventure up to Labrador and are outfitting for out 2+ year full time version leaving this November. Yeah, sweat and bug spray with old clothes could be one of the WORST smells in history (why didn’t they come out with that in those nasty scratch and sniff stickers in the 80’s?). And don’t get me started about road dust, bug spray, and no shower for four days and what it does to the feel and texture of hair. OMG I was ready to shave it.
But it is addicting to see something new everyday and experience how VAST the world is. How could I ever stay snow bound in a tiny cabin all winter when I know the world is out there? So maybe see you on the road! Good luck and happy embracing of all the strange things life has to offer
Thanks for the comment Autumn! I’m really stoked to hear about your upcoming adventure and I’m glad you posted your website so I can follow along. Happy trails!
Laughing and near crying.
I already know me well enough to know it would never be my shtick.
Small towns hot weather no ac I can do, but while living in a shoe box on wheels and car sick , Nope!. But how fabulous you are, and making laughter for others.
btw, some great DIY bug deterrents might work better for you.
Those laugh at you pesky ones are just like NYC roaches, home grown on RAID.. just stronger and bigger.
Thanks for reading! Sometimes the best way to deal with a bad situation is to find the humor in it, which is what I tried to do here. So glad I gave you a laugh today!
You should try it on a motorcycle, sleeping in a hammock! 😉 Just kidding, I know the struggle is real. Have fun and go easy on poor Will!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this short time it’s patience and my long-suffering husband is the one most deserving of that. Thanks for reading!
I love everything about this!! Can we meet?!? We’ve been on the road 14mos and can definitely relate! ? TravelAmateurs
Please tell me you’re in Baja! I think part of the reason I’m struggling is that we’ve met ZERO other overlanders so far. 🙁
omg Cate, I am rolling with laughter, all while fully understanding your plight 😉 I do believe I might not be as much of a whiner.. lol.. but some days are truly just fucked up, aren’t they?? Hang in there.. it is magical.. until it’s not!
Thanks for reading Rhonda, and I knew you’d get it. I’m in for the long haul though. I just have to get rid of this pesky whining problem!
Why the fuss about showers? You can rig up a hot shower on the smallest vehicle with no problem. Bugs? Bugs hateteetree oil
Please tell me how, fast…we are leaving in 3 weeks and I haven’t fully briefed my wife about some of these minor details 🙂
Thanks for reading. I’m not the ideal person for advice, as I think is pretty evident in this post, but I will say this. Water, patience, and water. Oh, did I mention water? And take a deep breath and enjoy. These moments, even the bad ones, will forever change your life. I hope you have a great trip and maybe we’ll see you down the road.
~Cate
Oh, wow! This is sad and hilarious and wise. So glad we can follow along on this journey–but still stretch out in our big room with a balcony in Vietnam. ? Thanks for sharing your adventure with us. Keep the honest posts coming!
The bugs and sweat get better once you get past Central America. Took me 5 months to acclimatise to the heat and humidity and then a month later we were out of it! Fantastic life to live though.
It’s 5:30 a.m. Oklahoma time 🙂
I just read your blog, and I’m still whiping sleepy from my eyes.. And I think.. Come on Cate!! You got this!! If anyone knows the blast of humidity, sweat, tears.. And Bugs!! You came out of Oklahoma, after all. Ha!! I imagine your trip.. Just like life… And it could be as simple as “you make the best you can out of the time you have each day… I would say surround yourself with others.. But for this time.. that one person in your immediate bubble (or box on wheels) is Will… So good morning greetings to you both.. It’s a new day!! Days you feel dumpy—just write– (you have “the followers”) Oh..and Squat when you can… Smile more often… Drink more water!! And for goodness sake.. Don’t slap anyone except the bugs…slap the bugs 🙂
Thinking of you and following your link from FB… Words of encouragement for you today –me
I love when you talked about your journey of self-discovery just beginning and your deepening appreciation of Will and his skills. I imagine that when this is all over your relationship will be deeper and stronger than ever, just don’t give up or give in to your beginners/adjustment phase, as I have no doubt you will adapt and overcome. I’m sorry that you have not felt good and you seriously need an ex-parte for those annoying insects! I truely sympathize. But, I knew you’d end on a positive note, that Milky Way though….that’s how I know that you’re going to make it. Hang tough Cate, you can do this. And Will, I know we haven’t met yet, but I love you already! Take care of our girl. Safe journey. 🙂
How long have you been married? My husband and I moved to a fire lookout in the Bitterroot-Selway Wilderness area 3 weeks after we were married. Outhouse, woodstove, no refrigeration, carried water from a spring a half mile below us, only from June to September, but it was baptism by fire for me. We had to stay within earshot of the 2-way radio at all times. Two years? No way! There is nothing like being in a fire lookout in the middle of a thunderstorm, though. I’d do that again!
Gosh, so many things you have written resonate with me, and we haven’t even gone yet.
Very well written, and like I tell myself not all women would be up for the challenge. Although it doesn’t come naturally we still do it, to push our boundaries and experience life to the full, it’s much better to day I did that, than say I wished I had done that.
Please let me know how the battle with the dark side is going, and there is such a thing as ying and yang.
Pat
Hiya!
I’ve just found your blog, and I’m loving what I’ve just read! I love your hilarious style and admire your courage.
I love travelling and I travel a lot, but I can only manage the “charm” of a caravan for about a fortnight (two weeks), and we won’t be sleeping in it at that! Perhaps, the odd night or two, but show me a local B&B, and I’ll be your BFF lol!
‘Love it!